i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
