No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
