I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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