she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
