Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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