She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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