I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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