Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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