found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
