wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
