I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize