Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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