are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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