I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
