What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize