he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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