This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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