Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
