I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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