Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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