Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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