i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I will pee on everything he values.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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