I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
