im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
