i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
