Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
