what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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