did you get engaged???
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
