If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
