Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
