Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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