a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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