Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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