So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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