I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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