i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
