Say something about gay babies.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
