What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They have beer where we have blood.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
