I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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