Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
