Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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