So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
