Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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