When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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