At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
