On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
