I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
