how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So many bounce houses so little time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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