I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
