You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
