that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
birth control should be required to get into college
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
