i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
