what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize