We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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