I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
pop tarts are not kleenex
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
