P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
cat food counts as protein by the way
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
