I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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