"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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