dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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