Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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