At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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