He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
