He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
