I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize