she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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