so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
