My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
