The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
