I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
