Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
