I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
