I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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