NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
