I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
