Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
