dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
