; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
from now on my penis is your penis
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
