Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
operation have a gay friend backfired
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
