I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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