I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
