He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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