also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
