I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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