Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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