none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
