U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
