so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
