He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
