Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
