This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
