my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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