There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize