Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
