that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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