Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish I only lived at night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
