umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
