okay pat passed out under dana's car
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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