Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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