i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
